El Loco Llegar

Updated November 23, 2021
Senior Portrait

This is not actually me.   

My real photo will be posted after my face lift, and I hope to look like the dude on the  Home Page of this website.     

Failing that, I will settle for this, as the person in  the photo - whom I have not met and do not know - has that look that somewhat appeals to me, in that she is welcoming, inquisitive, probing, intelligent, and kind.   

I want to be like that some day if and when I grow up.

Memory

A little over two years ago, as I write this in late 2021, I was somewhat surprised by a diagnosis of dementia in the form of Alzheimers Disease, as a result of a normal short cognitive test (MiniCog) during an annual physical exam by my personal physician.  Subsequent testing using alternate methodologies confirmed the diagnosis.   While I was not totally freaked out, I was concerned and went through a period of depression, which was then helped by normal medications usually prescribed for dementia, helped considerably by an attitude adjustment.

I read and researched as much as possible using I found that what I had learned initially was about all there was to know, and there were no other treatments other than what I was already receiving.  Bummer, as we used to say in the sixties.

And so I faced up to the fact that it was a disease which would progress, and the best I could do was to continue a healthy diet, get plenty of exercise, and develop and maintain a positive attitude.   I went through an initial period of depression, and ultimately realized that I was my own best doctor, and that maintaining and improving my mental, physical, and spiritual states were the best and only treatments.  In essence, I had to assume responsibility for my own treatment. 

 

And so I proceeded to do all those things, they did seem to help (although there was no "control" situation to tell me how well I was doing compared to the alternative), and I realized it was all up to me, and I was responsible for my mental, spiritual, and physical shape.  Sort of like everyone else, and all the time, come to think of it.

 

One of the things I realized was that I needed to lighten up considerably, and with my usual ardor and zest, I began to joke and use humor almost constantly, to the point where it began to drive others crazy, or at a minimum, irritated.   I recall thinking "better them than me" since I was prescribed this by a real live doctor, so the hell with them, I recall thinking! 

 

And so I did, and I am continuing to be a pain in the ass, and I figure I need to be responsible for my own therapy, since the cavalry was not about to ride over the hill led by John Wayne and save my sorry ass any time soon, and most likely, never. 

It seems to be working, even if my almost constant humor irritates many, particularly my long-suffering wife Liz, but I figure they can work out that problem on their own with their own medical practitioner at their own expense and on their own time.  Further, I will work out mine with my personal consultant, the funny sarcastic guy who resides in my brain and looks at me in the mirror while constantly reminding me "it's all in your head, you know."  My dog and cat just shake their heads, roll over, and go back to sleep.   I think they are trying to send me a message.

And so life is a bit easier, since I have earned to not take my Self seriously, and I tend to skip along the waves, sometimes getting quite wet, but have not yet drowned.  Giving up alcohol seems to have helped a lot, and when the occasional thought enters my head that says "hey, one little drink won't hurt, you'll feel better, so why not?" I simply thank myself for the advice, ignore it. and move along.  That is the Father in me talking to the Snotty-Nosed Brat in me, and I have learned to listen to him (the Father), while retaining some of the endearing and irritating attributes of that brat at times.

So we shall see how this goes.   I have no grand expectations other than to coast along, have as much joy and aliveness as is permitted me by my Self (and perhaps then some) and take what comes.  I am also kinder with other people, except of course for the jerks, who never listened to me anyway.

I wish someone had told me about this a long time ago; it would have saved a lot of pain and agony.   Possibly some actually did say this, or I read it somewhere.  And perhaps I am a slow learner, and need hard evidence - as an engineer - to do the proper thing.  Or maybe not.  I'll likely never know, and at this point, it does not seem to make a big difference.

I will post tidbits here from time to time as this adventure progresses, and will change the date above as notice of additional content.  Forewarned is forearmed.  I warn you that I specialize in pedantic homilies nowadays.

(To Be Continued Someday)