At this point in my life, the past does not interest me very much, other than when there is an opportunity to tell stories (mostly self-deprecating for my obligatory humor) to make some sort of point. My past is a matter of record, remembrance, and funny stories, with a few tragi-comedies thrown in for balance.
What interests me now, is in fact, NOW, and that seems to be a theme of my life (sometimes to my detriment), and how I relate to others and myself. That is really all there is in my opinion, our interpersonal relationships, including the primary one with ourselves, as we all approach whatever comes next.
Our deeds, misdeeds, accomplishments, wins, losses, and victories pale into insignificance when compared with the opportunity to experience life, now, and not in the past nor in the future.
It took me a long time to learn that, and I am glad that I finally came to the realization that NOW is IT. I will of course remember that for the future.
However, that also presents a few opportunities for reflections, stories, jokes, insights, and all that stuff that we folks at the right-hand end of our life's timeline like to wrestle with, sometimes interminably.
And so I will do a bit of that in this website, since as of now, I consider this my last, and it had better be representative of who I am now, and will be forever, at least in some memories.
And so let us proceed together hand in hand, with furrowed brow, into the unknown, with levity, humor, appreciation, humility, and most especially, with love of life and living.
I find myself more and more in the present moment, appreciative and humbled somewhat by the past, and not looking to the future as I used to. I prefer to exist in the "eternal moment of now" as some of the sages would describe our experience of being present with reality. And, truly, when one is in that magic and very spiritual moment of now, time ceases, and all there remains is pure experience, devoid of judgment, regret, afterthoughts, wishes, or second-guessing. That is what most sages have always spoken of as the ultimate in human experience, and seekers have always sought: That magic moment of being right here, right now, when times seems to stop and all there is to be done is nothing other than experience that magic spiritual space.
It is, to me, the holiest of holy spaces, if I may use that terminology, and those who seek and find that ineffable presence of spirit or space of being - sometimes called God - will see that it is the ultimate realization of being-ness and humanity, in my opinion.
I spend little time in the future, since there is less of that available at this point, and the present takes on a magic and satisfaction which heretofore I had not easily experienced. That is a very profound and magical shift in my consciousness, and is aligned with my engineering-type mind to use resources in the most efficient and effective way possible. I certainly have more of "now" available than "future" available, so best I spend my time wisely, and something deep inside me adamantly insists that I do that as often as possible. It is not always easy, but it does seem to get easier with practice, which involves dropping many of my old attitudes and beliefs and letting go of many of my past and now useless beliefs and attitudes.
Letting go in that way frees up my energy for the present, which after all, is the only entity that actually exists, in my experience. It is a somewhat circular realization, in that once achieved it is almost magically self-reinforcing, if one is paying acute attention to one's experience at that moment. And it is difficult, I have found, since I have failed in about every way possible to get to that place, other than just letting go and actually experiencing it, without my mind getting in the way. It is as if one has to let go of the mind in order to actually let go of the mind, which is not actually easy to do the way I just wrote it, but it is the only way I can express it. It has to be experienced to believe it. Reading what I have written actually gets in the way of experiencing it, which is a difficult concept to comprehend. Yet, there it is, in all its wondrous glory.